Used
by knifeinback
Summary: Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell." SamxCarly CarlyxGriffin
1. Chapter 1

probably sucks since i wrote it, but...reviews would be much appreciated if continued....

* * *

I think I might be gullible.

Like, _as_ gullible as Freddie. Now _that's_ gullible.

I should've left when I saw Freddie in the lobby. He was there for a reason that I really can't remember since I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying but I know that I should've turned back a long time ago.

It's just my legs, they keep moving forward.

I'm on the seventh floor, and I'm not sure why I walked up all those stairs down there when I could've taken the main elevator. I don't even know why I'm here. I'm walking up the last flight of stairs before I'm on the eighth floor, where Carly lives.

My shoes are making scuffing noises as I drag them against the carpet and for some reason I'm amused by it. I scuff my way to Carly's front door and pause completely.

I look behind me to see the trail of mud I left staining the carpet since it was storming outside like it always does in Seattle and I always find the best mud puddles to step in. I release the hood off of my head, proud that it kept my hair dry.

All that's left now is to walk into the apartment. Never in my life did I think I would ever hesitate in entering Carly's house like I owned the place. It was my thing, and I couldn't help it, but this time I'm not sure.

My hand is stroking her front door, touching and feeling every small etch and crack, the one's that held many memories. Like the time I threw darts at it from Freddie's house to see which square I got it into because I was bored and Carly wasn't home. That was before I knew how to pick locks. And the time I scratched me and Carly's name on it because we were supposed to be best friends forever. And the day I threw Freddie against it, denting a small area.

Oh wait, that was just last week.

Still, nice memories.

My hand clenched into a fist, about to knock, when my conscience slapped me or something to remind me who I am.

I don't knock.

I never knock.

I won't change.

I won't.

The normally white light in the hallway was yellow-ish and flickering because of the storm, and I wasn't about to wait out here for nothing like a dumbass so I twisted the knob and barged into the apartment the way I normally did when things were normal. The door made that familiar click when it shuts, stopping the madness that was happening on the couch.

I knew it. Carly and Griffin were making out on the couch, and I could tell the way that Carly's hair was all messed up and Griffin's shirt was off that it was a heated kiss. He scrambled to put it on as they started to sit nonchalantly.

"Hey Sam," Carly greeted me, trying to sound happy that I was here when I knew I was messing things up. "Am I interrupting something?" I ask already knowing the answer. I don't like seeing Carly's chest heaving like that when she's with Griffin.

"Uh, no. Why don't you watch a movie with us?" Carly suggests. I watch Griffin get into an annoyed position and I don't like this at all. I've been holding back on kicking this guy's ass. "Nope, I'm just going to eat your food and sleep in your bed," I say with a pissed tone especially towards Griffin.

I hate it when they leave me here to go have sex upstairs in her room. She always tries to tell me otherwise, but who wouldn't with a sexy guy like that? I'd rather me go upstairs and them do it on the couch. I never liked the idea of Carly engaging in these activities with Griffin or anyone else in that matter. I don't like how it changes her image. Then again she's still trying to prove how she's still a virgin. I'm not sure I even want to know.

In the kitchen, I manage to heat up a few slices of pizza without having to turn back to them going at it. I walk over and sit in between them, stealing a glare at Griffin. I'm sitting closer to Carly and man was this awkward. Griffin moves and rests his head in his hand on the other end of the couch while Carly just sits against me, not moving.

"Where's Spencer?" I ask out of nowhere because I know they wouldn't be doing this if he were here. "At the store," Carly answers me.

Figures. This would be a perfect time for them to sexually attack each other.

As if on cue, Spencer barges through the door with various grocery bags.

"Hey guys! Who wants some loofah sponges!?" Spencer yells like if it were the most amazing thing in the world.

"I'm out," Griffin mumbles. "See you later baby," he says to Carly. He leans over and gives her a small kiss before turning and passing us.

I hate him. "Why do you like him?" I ask as soon as he's gone. "You know what, don't even answer that," I say, expecting her to talk about how she likes bad boys now, apparently.

"You want a loofah?" Carly asks like if everything is how it used to be. And her face is so cute, the question itself too, so I can't help but force a smile and be the normal, typical Sam I'm supposed to be around her.

"Sure, I can use it to store fat cakes into so I won't be hungry when I bathe."

"Ew, Sam. They would get all soggy and wet," she says in disgust.

"You've never eaten a fat cake in the rain?" I ask in disbelief.

"No, I've never eaten a fat cake at all," she comments.

Then out of my pure Sam instinct, I take a loofah and a marker, and begin to concentrate as I draw a funny face at the tip with googley eyes and dark eyebrows tilted upwards so it looks confused. I sit down, and stick my hand in it to shove it into Carly's face. She's swatting my hand away while laughing, and then she's scooting away from me, from it, and I attack her with it and laugh also.

It gets to the point where I'm practically on top of her but not quite, kissing her with the loofah and making her laugh more. "Okay Sam! Stop it! Get off!" she yells giggling all the while.

"You have to kiss Mr. Loofah if you want me off," I demand humorously. "Nope," she resists, crossing her arms and turning her head.

"Then I guess I'll just stay on top of you," I tell her. She looks up into my eyes, hers reminding me of milk chocolate in coffee or something, and she's smiling in that way that I've missed. She gropes my wrist, hidden under the loofah, and pulls gently pressing her lips to the mouth of the loofah. I'm staring like if she's doing some sort of magic trick, and this is making me feel weird on the inside.

She pulls away and glances at me. "Happy? Alright, get off now," she says while sitting up.

"I think Mr. Loofah loves you," I say moments later breaking the silence that seemed to develop between us. She just looks at me and laughs quietly, shaking her head. I smile back, proud of myself for keeping the same friendship even when Griffin is there to rip us apart.

I'm watching Spencer cut up some salad in the kitchen when Carly pulls the unexpected question on me. "Do you believe in the saying, falling in love?" she asks so plainly, like if I wasn't thinking that myself. Is she like, reading my mind?

"Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate," I deadpan. She whacks me on my arm and I'm sitting there, rubbing it. "Fine, sorry," I grumble.

"Seriously, Sam. Do you think it's true?" She's asking me with so much interest and it's getting me worried.

"Do I think it's true? Nope, I don't," I say flatly. She's giving me this look that tells me I should've been more positive.

"I mean, gravitational pull can't be held responsible for people falling in love," I correct so that she doesn't start an argument with me. A smile appears onto her face and then she's getting up and leaving me on the couch. I start subconsciously playing with the loofah sponge when I start to hear the creaking on the stairs.

It stops halfway and then I'm turning around wondering what stopped her. "I'm going to take a nap, you want to come with?"

"Sure, but I'm a little too lazy to get up from here. You'd better motivate me or I won't be your little cuddle bear," I say while getting comfortable on the couch.

"Beef Jerky!" she yells and yanks a piece from her hoodie pocket while wiggling it in the air. I love how she has that in her pockets all the time just for me. "I'm comin'!" I oblige, getting off the couch in a flash and following her up like some kind of trained dog.

By now, I'm already dried from the rain and my feet are bare leaving me strewn out onto Carly's bed. It's a lot smaller than the last time I had slept in it and I'm wondering how we're going to do this since I'm known for tossing and turning. Carly pushes my tired body over, now in her cami tank top and flannel bottoms making me feel jealous. I wanted to feel that comfortable instead of feeling tight in these plaid shorts.

All that doesn't matter anymore because she's cuddling up next to me since it's her habit, and when we were little I promised her that I would be her cuddle bear forever. I cling onto those memories of the past, and I wonder if she does, too.

I think about asking her but I close my mouth when I hear her snoring and feel her soft breath on the side of my neck.

It's not the same anymore, and I'm the only one that notices. This love is like heaven to me, but it hurts like hell.

I'm not sure it even exists anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I guess some people want this continued, so i guess i'll continue it...uhm, just remember, if you want it continued still, you gotta review and give me inspiration!!! It's what gets me working faster!! but thanks for those who did review....This one's in Carly's point of view, so i'm guessing that maybe i'll take turns with the whole point of view thing between Carly and Sam..  
**

* * *

I know that maybe I'm the reason Sam hates Griffin.

Sam once confessed her true feelings for me, but I told her it would never work. I told her that because I was stupid, always thinking of myself.

Then I met Griffin.

I thought that maybe Sam would get over me if I was in a relationship, but I think it just made her feelings stronger. I don't know what to do and I feel like a complete asshole. I don't like toying around with Sam, this was all unintentional. Now I know Sam doesn't like Griffin, and I know it hurts when she sees me with him. If I say something, she'll think I'm leading her on and I don't want that. There's no possible way I can solve this.

I'm caught between the two of them. My boyfriend, and my best friend who openly admitted her feelings towards me.

When I think back at it, maybe I should've tried instead of rejecting her. I mean, I never was interested in her until I thought about it. We knew each other for so long now, and for her to admit something like that to me, just wow. Now because of me, she's forced to pretend like she doesn't want me. I hate this feeling, I feel dirty. This stupid act that I put on around Sam, it's not real. And when I'm with Griffin, I just try to forget. Forget Sam, but I can't.

Like right now, I'm in his room, kissing him with force so that the picture of Sam in my head goes away or something. It never does, no matter how forcefully I kiss. Not even with strong, calloused hands rubbing my sides under my shirt can make me forget about Sam. The feeling is disgusting. I whimper in Griffin's mouth, not able to keep this up much longer. He pulls away from me, looking into my eyes while rubbing my arm.

"You okay?" he asks me.

No I'm not okay. You're really hot and cool and everything but I'm not okay. This isn't okay.

"I'm not really supposed to be here with you," I breathe out. He chuckles while petting my head. I flinch a little because he has rough hands. I think it's pretty gross to be on a pretty boy like him. It's like having my Granddad pet me. I shudder at that thought in this situation.

"You're never supposed to be here with me," Griffin points out.

It's true, I guess. I mean it's been a couple of years since we broke up, and since we're a little older, I'm not supposed to be in his room after we decided to get back together. "Which is why I need to go," I tell him. His shoulders slump and he leans back slightly. I give him an apologetic look since he obviously doesn't want me to go. Sitting on his bed is one thing, but kissing on it is another so I think I really need to go no matter how cute his face looks right now because one thing leads to another and I have boundaries that need to be kept.

Sam doesn't think so but I know for sure I would do nothing with Griffin just to keep her happy.

Griffin tried to pull a move on me so many times but I'm always stopping him.

I can't seem to dump him again, I don't know why. I don't like to hurt people, and I kind of did the first time. Pee Wee babies really weren't a reason to do something like that. But now I'm hurting Sam and there's nothing I can do without hurting Griffin and god what the hell am I going to do?

If only it were that easy. "Sorry, I think Spencer wants me home for dinner," I finally say, getting up and glancing at the still creepy Pee Wee babies on the shelves.

"Okay, see you later?" he asks, sure that I'll say yes.

"Maybe," I lie, already positive that I won't be coming back later.

"Alright, then," he says as he gets up and gives me a quick kiss, over confident with himself. "Later," I say as I head out and avoid kissing him any longer.

There are some days where I just can't take it. Not when Sam is upstairs in my apartment wondering where I am. She texted me like five times when I left the movie theater with Griffin. When I got to my front door, I took my keys out but quickly put them back away when I saw that the spare key was taken out of its tape cocoon over the door. It could only mean Sam.

I open the door to find Sam eating ribs with her shirt off. Does she ever listen to me? I smile at her, despite the nausea that is settling in my lower stomach. "Dude! Where've you been!?" are the first words that come out of her mouth.

"At the movies," I say. I didn't want to mention what I was doing downstairs at Griffin's place. I know it would hurt her.

I sit down on the far end of the couch since Sam put a huge plate of ribs in the middle. There's barbecue sauce smeared all over her face as she still goes at it, eating like an animal. I'm sort of turned on by this since she's not wearing a shirt and I find myself staring at her toned stomach other than her face. Then there's the view of her in her bra.

"Oh, come on, Carls. I know you weren't at the movies for that long," she drones. I would be paying more attention but she's moving, causing her muscles to flex and show more and god, she looks hot. I'm nodding and she's giving me a blank stare while leaning and trying to catch my attention. I'm licking my lips, wondering and fantasizing about her abs, and her breasts.

"Carly? Dude?" she's asking and I jump back to reality.

"I uh, went back to his place," I say and instantly regret it as she backs away and gives me a scowl. "We just talked," I added, trying to make it better.

But I can't. I can't make this better no matter what I do. At least her painful scowl is gone.

"What movie did you guys see?" she asks me, and I can see her trying to be cool with all of this. And I love her for that. She tries so hard to be strong, and she is strong.

"First Time," I say awkwardly. It's the first time I actually ever saw a rated R movie, and it was kind of weird and new to me considering that it had a lot of sex in it. I wish I saw it with Sam, because knowing her she would probably rip on it and I would have a better time. She puts her rib bone down and wipes the sauce on a towel.

"How, was it?" she asks awkwardly as well.

"Oh, you know," I start. "Stupid. It was all about sex and stuff like that," I laugh awkwardly. I watch her put her shirt back on, obviously finished with her ribs, and relaxing on the arm of the couch.

"Any hot girls in it?" she asks, and I'm totally dumbfounded. How am I supposed to answer that when I have a boyfriend?

"Uhm, yeah, there was one," I say, unsure if I should've said it. She hums like if she just understood something and then she looks over at me. I'm looking back, confused. She's not saying anything, or showing any kind of emotion, just staring at me like if she can see through me, or through my clothes. "I feel eye raped," I laugh, trying to start some sort of conversation.

"When was your first time?" she asks abruptly, like if it wasn't a personal question. I start blushing instantly, but then I'm giving in to her question. "I don't have a first, at all," I whisper honestly. She gives me this look like if she doesn't believe me, and I'm practically ranting to her afterwards.

"You have to believe me, I don't have one. I'm still a virgin, Sam. How am I supposed to prove it to you?" I ask angrily, but loosen up a bit as I blush at what I just asked her.

"I believe you," she whispers after a minute of observing me. I let a tight breath out. Finally she believes me. It's been a while trying to convince her and it hurts for my best friend to not believe me about something like this. I know we're eighteen now but we still need trust. "Sorry for accusing you then," she says to me as if she could read my thoughts.

"Griffin is just…really hot, and I didn't think anyone could resist him," she says sheepishly. I let out a shaky breath that was supposed to be a laugh but for some reason wasn't and I look over to her. "You know I would never hurt you like that," I clarify because she's so stubborn like I am and it's hard for two stubborn people to communicate.

She scoffs for a second and then stays quiet. It's like she knows. Is it that obvious that I love her back?

"You're still going to the meat festival with me tomorrow, right?" she asks so weakly, like if I planned not to go.

"Of course I'm going, Sam. We planned this since after the one last year. You always take me to every one."

"Just making sure," she says, smiling. How can she smile so real like that? I smile back, trying not to fool her. The funny thing is that she doesn't really know how I feel about everything. She just thinks she ruined our friendship. It took me all night of New Year's Eve to try and get it through her thick blonde head that I'm the one who ruined us. I'm slowly picking up the pieces, though. I still try holding onto silly things like the Valentine's Day cards she used to give me and the notes we used to pass. Things like that.

"Did you know that Freddie has a girlfriend?" Sam says out of the blue.

"Yeah, that girl Megan he met last year." I watch the look on Sam's face turn from disgust to disappointment and I can't help but question her.

"Did you want to date Freddie?" I ask a little concerned.

"Really, Carly? You would really ask that?" she gives me this offended look. "No, it's just, everyone has someone to hold but me," she says sadly.

"Don't feel that way," I say softly.

"You know, Carls, you can't tell someone how to feel," she says coldly. I swear it just got thirty degrees colder in here.

"Right, I'm sorry. Are you mad at me?" She looks pissed, but then she's wiping the look off her face like it was just barbeque sauce from a minute ago.

"No," she grunts.

"You sure?" I ask because I can't stand when she's mad at me.

"I'm sure," she decides. She then gets up and heads toward the door. "I'm gonna go make sure my mother isn't drinking," she says so quickly I barely caught on to what she was saying.

I get up myself and stop her before she's fully out the door. I pull her arm bringing her to me in a full warm hug. She's shocked, I can feel it by the way her muscles on her stomach react  
to me being pressed to it, and then she's hugging me back. I don't know when the hell she got taller than me but it's like she shot up like freakin big foot in the past two years.

I get my head real comfortable on the side of her neck and breathe her scent in. She smells like…ribs. I'm just fine with that anyway. I think I feel her lips sliding against my head but I can't tell since she's pulling away. I couldn't control my hand when it was still hanging onto her shirt, but I just let it hang slackly at my side when she pulled away completely murmuring a 'later' as I stood there a little taken back.

She was gone, leaving me here alone. Maybe it was best for now.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks you guys for reviewing ^_^

* * *

It feels weird to be single. Not always, just around my friends since they're not single.

Even Freddie is a step ahead. That's embarrassing, but I'm sort of relieved that he isn't rubbing it in my face. I guess he's a person who needs to be insulted first in order to do that. Even to me. That or he's really trying hard not to get me pissed since he has a girl now and I could be careless.

All that doesn't matter right now, because I'm sitting in the passenger's seat of Carly's car, listening to the conversation she and Freddie are having. It wasn't my idea to invite him to the festival, but I feel kind of good to have all three of us together again. I think Carly does too.

Pretty soon I'm in the conversation, and we're all talking about nothingness, and I like it.

"So I was walking into Wal-Mart the other day," I start, the breeze from the window feeling so refreshing, and for a minute I forgot about all my troubles.

"What happened?" Carly asks excitedly while paying attention to the road. I look at the outside mirror to see Freddie looking back with curiosity.

"I was walking in the lotion aisle and I decided to do a cartwheel like a dumbass," and after I said that, both Carly and Freddie busted out in laughter. I was smiling myself, looking at Carly's face, loving how I can make her smile like that.

She glanced at me like five times looking at me and back at the road. I love seeing her happy no matter how disfigured my feelings are.

"And what did that accomplish?" Carly giggles to me.

"Well I did get some raised eyebrows, particularly because it was not well executed," I say and the laughter is back again.

"And my legs smashed into a lotion display and destroyed it," I add and then Carly is pulling over in a random parking lot and she's literally dying laughing, and…I did that. She's holding her stomach and taking in tight ragged breaths because she's laughing so damn hard. Freddie, too. I've got him lying down back there. I start laughing along with them, and it feels so familiar.

"I can so picture it," Freddie mumbles over his laughter.

"You are so random," Carly adds.

Carly starts driving again and I put on the radio and start blasting a CD that I brought. I'm listening to Sons of Plunder by Disturbed, and I'm surprised to see Carly so calm with it. I was never sure if she liked that type of music. I didn't really care at the moment because I'm playing the air guitar and head banging.

It seems that we've arrived at the right parking lot for the festival because when I open my eyes to see why the car stopped, we're parked and Carly is staring at me. I'm moving with the beat and thrashing my head with the rhythm and my fingers are strumming my air guitar.

I don't stop because this is so fun, and I love this song when it comes to blasting it in a car radio. Instead of being bothered or scared or turning the music down, Carly was smiling, nodding her head to the beat like an amateur head banger would. Getting more into the song, I see that I've got Carly dancing around as well. We're all rockin' out to the song and it reminds me of our web show.

We ended iCarly about a year ago, that year being the saddest year of my life. People still remember us, though. Now I feel so alive here dancing and head banging randomly to hard rock. Especially with Carly. It wouldn't be the same without her. I stop for a minute to see Carly still dancing, a breath-taking sight. She's dancing the way we would on iCarly, and it almost makes me want to cry.

The music is flowing throughout her body like an electrical circuit and her hair is flailing all over the place and even Freddie is dancing. The music drowns out my laughing but it still feels good. The song slows down and both Freddie and Carly stop and laugh with me because that was the most alive thing we've all done with each other for a while. As the slow part approaches, I start to sing to it since it's my favorite part of the song. It's also the softest.

_As its blown apart_

hundreds thrown away

Makes me question just what I believe

Brothers torn apart

mindless drones enslaved

Makes me search for an answer

I don't want to know!!!  
  
Then I'm yelling since the song picked up pace and we stay in the car for the remainder of it. I love this song even more, now.

Getting in the festival was no problem, except for this fat ass guy who apparently couldn't wait to stuff his damn face so he just pushes by us, shoving Carly's little weak body in the process.

Who does he think he is, pushing his fat ass on Carly?

I ended up following him inside even when Carly told me to let it go and Freddie tried to hold me back. I followed his ass up to the pie stand and watched him, ready to make my move. He sat on the stool and started devouring a pie that was set out.

I sat next to him and practically in his face, glared into his eyes. Carly had a hold onto my shirt but I wasn't about to let this go.

"You like that pie?" I ask him. He looks at me, like if I'm crazy for asking such a question.

Then without a warning, my hand clamps down on the back of his neck and I'm slamming his fat face into the pie beneath him. I get up and take Carly's hand as we sprint anywhere but there. I glanced back once to see Carly's scared face, but I kept on running. Then I'm stopping after a few feet.

"Why am I running?" I ask.

"Because you just slammed a man's face into a piece of pie!" Carly is exasperating.

"He had it coming, he shoved you at the entrance," I say protectively.

"That was totally hilarious," Freddie is giggling. Then I'm giggling, and Carly's trying so hard to lecture me but I can see the laughter in her face.

"Come on, Carly. I know you want to laugh," I drone. She's quiet for a minute before all three of us are laughing, like three odd ones in the crowd.

--

There's meat everywhere, and I mean in every corner. It wasn't just a meat festival, though. It had some deserts in it, but still. There was a lot of meat, and mama loves the meat. Carly's watching me at every stand, probably wondering why I'm so infatuated with meat. I got her to try at least one bite of everything there, and Freddie was eating on his own accord. The festival was alright this year; small performances in the streets by professional break dancers and stuff like that. Then there was the food and the fact that it was all free.

There were some band performances in the big stadium in the middle, and it all lasted until like, ten thirty at night.

I was currently driving us back home, not wanting Carly to drive tired. Freddie was snoring in the backseat, while Carly was dozing off in the front. I was watching her the whole ride back, the street lights casting a perfect glow on her white skin. She looked so calm when she slept, and her lips were shiny and just so kissable, but I was way in over my head. Pulling into the plaza's parking lot, I turned the car off taking the key out of the ignition.

They were still sound asleep. I stretched my arm over to Carly so that I could caress the side of her face. The small orange light coming in from the single streetlight over us was enough to see Carly. Her face was so soft against my fingertips, as I traced them over her jaw line and stroked her cheek with the back of my hand. She must have been in a really deep sleep to not feel me. "Carly," I whispered. Then again, in the silence I was pretty loud. My left hand rested on her right shoulder as I began trying to shake her awake.

"We're home," I say. Her head droops down and over to my shoulder, snuggling into my neck. I'm still for a second before my hand moves again to stroke the loose hair that's falling in her face. It seems that I'm the only one alive to the dead world, but I know it would be the opposite once tomorrow comes. I know I can't stay here forever, so I decide to end it now. I plant a gentle kiss on the top of her head and pull her away.

"Carly, we're home," I say while shaking her with two hands this time.

"Mm," she's mumbling while rubbing her eyes. "Freddie, get up," I say while thumping his forehead. He grunts and sits up.

"We're home already?" Carly says disappointed.

"Yeah, come on, you're tired," I say as I exit the car and slam the door shut. Freddie comes out after, and Carly doesn't seem to be following. "What's wrong with Carly? Did you guys fight when I fell asleep?" Freddie asks.

"No, we didn't fight, stupid. Why don't you just go home? Bet your mommy's waiting," I say in annoyance. He walks away mumbling under his breath but I don't care because my first priority is Carly right now.

I walk over to her side and open the door. She's sitting there like if she doesn't want to get out ever. "Hey Carls, why aren't you comin'?" I gesture.

"I don't want to go home yet," she says while looking away.

"Why not, you're so tired," I point out. "I'm not sure," she says quietly.

"Well, where do you want to go?"

"I don't know, your place?" she asks carefully like I'll say no.

"If you really want to," I tell her.

"I think I do," she says while putting her seatbelt back on. "Okay, I'll go tell Spencer."

"I'll just call him," she says, stopping me. I go over to the driver's side with a stupid smile on my face. I start the car again, pulling back out and onto the street. Carly's calling Spencer and I'm pretending to be so into the road when really I'm paying attention to her sweet voice.

"Hey Spencer. Yeah I'm back. No I'm not with Griffin. Oh he called? Tell him I'm staying over at Sam's place. Yeah, I am. I will. Okay, love you Spence. Bye."

I make sure there's no traffic so I could look at her. I give her a smile so that she could feel okay, because I know she's worrying about her bad boy. When we arrive at my apartment, I know it's so unfamiliar to her, because I moved out of my mother's house months ago. She still hasn't visited because I'm at hers so much, so this is her first.

I hand over her keys while I struggle to find mine. I check my front pockets, my back pockets, nothing. "I can't find my keys," I sate the obvious. "You didn't leave them in the car?" Carly asks but I'm already climbing some pipes up to my room.

"What're you doing!?" Carly asks in shock. "Breaking into my own house." I manage to get into my room in a mess, knocking things over and falling to the ground, but at least I'm in. I run to the front door quickly because it's freezing outside. "Sorry about that," I apologize. "It's okay," she's laughing.

"Come in," I gesture for her inside and shut the door after.

"Welcome to my home. Mi casa es tu casa. My food however is still my food," I say jokingly. She's laughing and looking around, taking in the new surroundings. My apartment is simple and small. When you enter it, you're in the living room which was pretty big and comfy. I had a small entertainment system and a few couches to my taste. It connects to a kitchen and a small hallway that had a room along with a bathroom and an upstairs, leading to a hallway that contained my room and another bathroom. It was a cozy place.

After the small tour of my house, we had a small snack and we were now sprawled out onto my couch watching TV. "Did you have fun today?" I ask her.

"The best time of my life," she responds, sleepiness in her eyes. "Good." Then she's slowly losing consciousness, and it gets quiet. I smile as I watch her sleep again, and then I'm getting a blanket and covering both of us as I doze off as well at her feet. That was the best meat festival so far.


	4. Chapter 4

Here you guys go....PLZ review! It's all i want for christmas!! Don't be a grinch!!!

* * *

I think my girl chemistry is out of whack. I feel like I'm walking on thin ice. One wrong step and I'll fall right through.

I've considered being single for a while, but I'm kind of scared. I don't know what could happen if I tried that. What if Griffin gets physical with me? I mean, I've already upset him once and he's the one who punched his best friend Kato because he got him angry so what would he do to me?

Maybe I'm just over thinking things. It's like my brain is projecting all the bad thoughts and showing a home movie of it. And I've tried everything to distract myself from my over stuffed head.

Spinning around on the kitchen stool isn't really helping me either. It's giving me a headache and definitely making me dizzy. I stop myself from twirling by digging my feet under the counter and slamming my hands down on its top. I manage to knock my grapefruit juice over. "Aw, man."

I sit there for a minute, until the room stops spinning and then I'm upset. I really wanted to drink that. I start absently cleaning the spilled mess on the counter with Spencer's Sham-Pow while being absorbed in the mess that leaked to the floor. The reflection caught my attention, and it's almost as if someone was standing next to me.

There appeared to be a face right next to my head and as I leaned to get better look, I shrieked in surprise as a rough, stiff hand squeezed my shoulder. And then there were keys jingling and a monkey keychain against my face. "It's just me," muttered a husky voice.

"Griffin!?" I yell in relief. "What're you doing here?" He smirks and jingles the keys in the air again.

"Came to drop off your brother's keys to his bike," he says too proudly. "I raced it with some of my boys," he says simply, like if it isn't the stupidest idea yet. My face twists up into anger. "You can't just take my brother's bike. Especially if it's to race with it!!" I declare loudly.

"You could've gotten hurt," I state softly afterwards. "I brought it back in one piece," he argues.

"It still doesn't give you a right to just take it whenever you want."

"Oh come on. I returned it and it's fine and I'm fine so stop being so bitchy," he mutters and I'm instantly offended. Maybe even a little hurt.

"B-bitchy? You think I'm bitchy?" My voice is cracking and it feels like something evil is about to break loose. "Not all the time," he laughs.

"It's not funny!" I yell, my fists balling up at my sides.

"What is up with you? Now you can't take a damn joke? It was just an expression."

"There's nothing wrong with having feelings! An expression? I don't think so. You want to see me get 'bitchy'? Get out," I struggle saying, because I'm scared and hurt and confused all at once and having this argument alone can definitely lead to bad things.

As mixed up as I am inside, I still try and keep my posture so I don't show him my fear. "Just like your brother," he spits. Then he's tossing the keys to the side and they bounce around loudly onto the living room table and I'm staring at him as he grumbles to himself and slams the door shut on the way out. And I don't get it. The first time we were together, everything was perfect. Now it's off, and this relationship is slowly faltering and fading.

My face is burning up, and I'm letting out a shaky breath because I'm frustrated. And alone. Spencer is out doing groceries and art supply shopping and Freddie is out with his girlfriend. I mop up the juicy mess with trembling hands and wonder to myself just how I got put into a situation like this anyway. Do I really deserve this? I'm a good girl.

It doesn't take too long before I'm calling Sam with watery eyes. It rings for a while, and there's a Cuttlefish song playing while I wait. It's like the music enters my body and calms all my heightened senses. "Hello?" the instant I hear Sam's voice, I want to break down and cry right there. But I keep cool somehow. "Hi, Sam," I manage without my voice cracking in that stupid way that it does when something's wrong.

"Hey Carly. What's shakin'?"

"Nothing," I breathe.

"Same here," she yawns. More like slurs because it sounds like she's sleep talking. "Sam were you sleeping? I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"No, it's okay. I was just taking a little nap. So what's up?"

I think about how to tell her this without sounding desperate or dramatic but I fail. "Me and Griffin are fighting," I mutter.

"What!? What happened?"

"Can you come down?" I ask desperately and that's when I lose it. The tears that were held back are now flowing freely and the swelling in my throat has already begun to keep myself from sobbing. "Sure, I'll be there in five minutes," she says and I hear her already getting up and out of bed. And there's that fluttering feeling in my heart whenever I hear Sam is coming over.

**XX  
**  
Sam is my pacifier. No matter how hard I cry into her neck, no matter how torn up I feel, she always finds a way to shut me up. In a good way of course. Like with a joke or a very meaningful word. Sometimes even food. This time it was just her presence next to me.

She wipes my tears away by the time Spencer gets home and we're just watching TV together until Sam decides to turn on the Wii. Since I've never really played it, I'm just watching her play tennis. It's very entertaining and I find myself checking out Sam's butt. When did it get so big?

I start to look her up and down, noticing every curve and arch and flex. She was wearing this teasingly tight, black, long-sleeved thermal with stars on the sleeves along with her khaki Capri pants. I think those are her favorites.

As she swings the remote, I can see her back muscles flexing through her shirt and when the hem inches up a bit, I can almost feel her soft-looking skin on my finger tips. My face starts to get a little hot in the most uncomfortable way.

"Your turn," she says while whipping herself around and handing me the remote. Then she's pulling me up and I'm only half snapped out of my thoughts. "Wait, I've never played this before."

"Oh, it's easy. Here, I'll help you." She puts the strap on my wrist as recommended. Then she pulls me at a good distance from the TV and she's disappearing behind me. The game is starting and I'm panicking. "Sam! I don't know what to do!"

I feel a hand grasp my hip from behind and another hand gripping my wrist as Sam pushes herself against me with her face on my shoulder.

"It's alright, you're serving," she whispers, and her hot breath that tickles past my ear makes me shudder. I couldn't stop myself from arching into her, feeling her hardened stomach against my lower back. "You have to stand straight Carls," she reminds me and I'm fixing myself quickly.

"Ready?"

"Sort of."

And then she's starting me off and I'm not paying attention half the time because she's the one swinging but I'm the one concentrating on our bodies touching each other.

She teaches me how to play the boxing too, and gets closer than ever. She explains the hooks and the uppercuts and how to dodge and we're just having a blast. Not once did I think of what's his face? We're shrieking at close calls and talking trash about losses and cheering at wins.

Soon I feel her loosening her embrace and I push back up into her signaling that I don't want her to let go. Her hands are resting on my waist and I guess she wants me to do this on my own but I can't. She's too distracting.

I turn my head to look at her but my nose brushes against her left cheek and then she turns her head and stares into my half-lidded eyes and hers are foggy and passionate, and I realize how close we are. There's a hot breath against my bottom lip and then it's wet and I taste mozzarella sticks.

I'm not moving but my eyes are closed and then there's a sucking noise echoing in the quiet loft and the contact is lost. I don't even question her because I know how she feels about me. She puts her head down in shame against my shoulder and is muttering all these cuss words.

"I'm stupid. So fucking stupid. Damn it. Fuck," she says so low and fast that I didn't quite get everything. I remove the controller and turn to face her.

"You're not stupid, Sam," I assure her. She turns away from me, and I go up to her again. I put my hands on her face and she still refuses to look at me. "Sam, look at me," I demand. She finally complies. "Don't call yourself stupid. I'm the stupid one."

"No," she whispers.

"Yes."

"I…I gotta go," she tells me while heading for the door. "Please don't leave me," I blurt, and it manages to stop her. She turns around hesitantly at first, and then she's walking over to me and pressing me into her. "I won't leave you," she decides and I'm thinking how good Sam could have been for me. But she's not mine.

My hands are on either side of her abdomen, and it feels like we're both about to break. "Let's play more Wii," I suggest. And of course she obliges because she doesn't want to leave me.

**XX  
**  
I'm not sure what that kiss meant, but I bet it has something to do with making me feel better. It wasn't a very long one but it was something, considering that Sam has never tried it on me before. It's like my heart stopped and exploded once she pulled away. I wasn't able to think on it much when it happened, but I can now that it's late and I'm in bed.

Sam is right next to me where she belongs, and I know she's awake. She's awake and I want her. I want her so much that I can't even begin to explain the feeling if I tried. I turn to face her and I'm met with her back. She's not even hogging the blanket like she normally does. And it's chilly up here.

"Sam," I sigh softly.

"Hn." I don't know if that's a reply but I continue talking. "Take more blanket, it's cold," I try because I know I'm the reason for her discomfort. "I'm fine." Her voice is muffled by the pillow.

"Can you at least talk to me?"

"About what?" she tries to avoid. I trace over the wrinkles on her shirt and scoot closer. And I'm not even sure myself what I want to talk about. "I just want to hear your voice I guess," I whisper.

"Really?" she asks and it surprises me because I didn't think she could hear me. "Yeah," I laugh softly. She's turning more and that's a good sign.

"Did he hurt you?" she asks so suddenly. It takes me ten seconds to realize what she's asking. "Verbally, yes."

"What did he say?" I'm silent for a minute, playing with a loose thread coming from the blanket. "He called me, bitchy," I say slowly. "After stealing Spencer's motorcycle to go race," I say more in anger now.

"What's up with him?"

"I don't know," I say ashamed. Ashamed to be in such a situation when Sam told me before that it was a bad idea to get back together in the first place. She was right, and I was stubborn. "You were right," I admit, feeling that she deserved to be told so.

"It was a bad idea to go back to him," I sigh. She turns fully this time, staring at me. I expected her maybe to smirk or say I told you so but she doesn't. Instead, she pets me roughly, messing up my hair. "You're too perfect for him," she said so softly, but since the whole loft was quiet, it made everything loud enough to hear.

I blush at her coherent words, fixing my hair in the process. "No, maybe it's what I deserved for saying no to you," and now my blood is pulsating through my skin and warming up everywhere. "Don't be ridiculous. You putting me down doesn't result in Griffin acting like an asshole. He just is one."

I smiled at this, grateful that the guilt didn't push back on me. "You have a cheesy smile, Carls," and then she's smiling too.

"That's what all girls like to hear," I giggle. "Don't worry, cheesy is good," she defends.

"Speaking of cheese, did you eat mozzarella before you came here?" I question. "Yeah, why?"

"Oh, nothing," I tease.

"Come on, Carly," she drones.

"I tasted it on your mouth," I say awkwardly. "Oh, you did?" she asks, embarrassed. "Yeah, I did," I laugh.

"Was it good?"

The question itself startles me, but I guess it's only something Sam could and would ask. "It was good, as far as cheese goes," I reply.

"No the kiss," she says flatly.

"Oh! The kiss?" Well that was embarrassing. "Uhm, well, I don't know because it was really short but it was okay I guess," I say truthfully.

"Hn. Would you have liked it to last longer?" she asks a little unsure. I see her face as dead serious, not an ounce of humor in it.

I readjusted myself on my elbows before answering her. "Well, I uh…could've considered it if maybe…"

"If maybe what?" she's interrupting and leaning closer. I can see pure want in her eyes and I could relate. I'm just not sure if this would be right. "I like you Sam, but I just don't know if we should," I'm saying and I have no idea what point I'm trying to get at so I just shut up.

"You think you're cheating, right?" she asks, and she's exactly right. I just nod my head, trying to resist her. I see her features turn into disappointment, and it's like she gave up on all hope she had left. I don't like seeing her like that.

"I was thinking about ending it with Griffin," I say to try and lift her spirits. It's not a complete lie.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why? He's rude, crude, and steals things. He fights, crashes motorcycles, jokes all the time, and I'm just sick of him."

"He sounds a lot like me."

"Yeah, but, you're also sweet, loveable, and you know how to treat me right." I watch her lighten up and we're both just sitting quietly.

"And I love you," I add.

"You can't say that," she struggles to say.

"And why not?"

"I want you to mean it," she tells me and I don't know how to respond. "Kiss me," is all I could come up with.

"No, you kiss me," Sam demands as sort of a challenge.

"I'll kiss you if you kiss me first," I decide to play back.

"Rather you kiss me first or I'll never offer ever again," she says slyly.

"No, kiss me first or you're banned from our refrigerator," I threaten.

"I will never come here ever again."

"I'll never ever buy ham."

Rather we didn't realize, or Sam is testing me because our mouths are very close to each other and I'm starting to breathe really hard. "Lean," she demands.

"You lean," I fight weakly.

She tilts her head to angle our lips perfectly but never moves. It must be another test. My lips are parted now because my breathing got too hard for my nose. My heart is running, creating its own circuits, and I notice that we're kneeling.

Then a hand clasps down on the back of my head in my hair, and I'm being pulled and our lips are clashing together in wet heat. I feel the desire in Sam rubbing off on me in huge waves. I groan into her mouth because of her cheating way to get me to lean. I should've known she wouldn't play fair.

Instead of thinking about that, I focus on her and her taste. There's a toothpaste taste for a little while but then it goes away and I start tasting something sweet and there it is. Her taste. Our mouths aren't open all the way, but I'm trying to gain access into it without ending the kiss. Then Sam is laying me down and my hands thrust under her shirt because they have been aching to touch her stomach for a while now.

Now that they were, it was like a jolt of pleasure entering me and shocking my system. My fingertips traced all over her gorgeous abs and the curves at her sides over and over. I felt her thigh resting between my legs so close to my sensitive part while the other leg was resting on the outside straddling my left leg. She broke away from the kiss first and traveled onto my neck.

I was trying to pull her shirt up, and she was trying to suck on me, but my phone erupted in a ring stopping our activities and causing us to fling apart like this was terribly wrong. I scramble off the bed to retrieve it.

"Hello?" my voice was raspy. "Carly, could you come downstairs and take the cookies out of the oven? I'm in the shower." It was Spencer.

"Sure, but why are you up doing this so late?"

"I was busy today, and I wanted a snack. You weren't sleeping were you?" I look at Sam and then back at the wall I seemed to be staring at.

"No, definitely not sleeping," I laugh softly. "Okay then, thanks!" I hang up the phone and turn to Sam who is currently kneeling at the edge of the bed.

"You want some cookies?"


End file.
